by Linda Parelli on August 26, 2010
This is a short one.
You know my dogs – Vinny (Left-Brain Extrovert) and Moxie (Right-Brain Extrovert)… well, as I’m sitting here writing bunches of stuff, something interesting happened. Being about 15 weeks old, Moxie is teething like crazy and when she plays with us those little points are really sharp!
Linda's pup Moxie
So as she was biting me (playing affectionately of course!), I started to think about why she keeps doing this even though I’ve tried to tell her not to (for some weeks now).
Wake up call… because if you are truly effective, something should have improved!
I thought about her doganality and changed my approach. When she chewed on my fingers and it didn’t hurt, I said nothing, stayed neutral. But when she took it a little further and bit a little too hard, I yelped.
Amazing! She did it 3 times, testing I think. And then she looked at me, and just stopped, came over and licked me and moments later crawled behind my laptop and curled up between my calves.
Right-brain animals/humans really don’t want to hurt people (not saying that left-brain’s do, please don’t read that into it!) So instead of reacting and disciplining when you feel attacked, maybe just letting them know it hurt (without blame or counter attack) will bring some balance and understanding. Or not! You have to be prepared for the opposite reaction and then examine what you did and how you did it!
It makes me think of that amazing book I recommended some blogs ago – Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. If you haven’t read it, get it! Huge stuff, resonates in a big way in how we approach horsemanship. The key is to understand and express your feelings and not expect the other to change. And when you can truly do that, “it”, “life”, “experience” changes.
Yours naturally,
Linda
by Linda Parelli on August 21, 2010
Hello everyone,
I really want to thank you for your outpouring of support as a result of my last blog. I am very moved by reading all your comments, and I used up more than a few tissues! Your wisdom, perspective, love and thanks are overwhelming, thank you so much. 
I wish I could have read the comment from Liane in French, but I felt the energy! And Debbie Bennett, thanks for your thoughts too – we were both there at my first clinic with Pat and I value us being able to support each other way back in 1989.
And then this one from Barbara: “The flak is always the thickest when you are over the target.” How true that is. Sometimes all it takes is the capacity to never, ever give up. Horses teach us that too: Passive persistence in the proper position.
Thank you so much, all of you. We feel blessed to have such wonderful supporters as you.
Linda
by Linda Parelli on August 19, 2010
Hi there,
Apologies for the big gap between blogs, lots going on – travel, writing, big things afoot. OK, enough excuses.
I feel compelled to write about this given recent “events” and scuttle butt on the internet.
Before I write my blog I reacquaint myself with the last thing I wrote to you about and, seeing it was around Fran’s update with her horse Crest, it made me want to tell you how I feel about some of the negative and virulent accusations sometimes made about us.
Our Ohio event on Savvy Club Sunday featured Fran, and her horse Crest, in the lesson with me. I had so many of you come up and thank me for the lesson (not to mention those of you who weighed in on the last blog about it) saying how much it made you think and realize how you’ve been pushing your horse over emotional thresholds. Fran and I felt great about the results, and more importantly… Crest revealed to us how much he’d been holding inside while still trying his guts out for Fran (who had rescued him from a horrible past).
But here’s the disturbing part. I got an email from a Savvy Club member expressing how horrified she was about how I pushed Crest (who didn’t seem that bad), that she’s lost respect for me / us (she criticized Pat’s lesson too) and as a result was leaving the Savvy Club.
It’s really hard getting something like that because I feel so misunderstood, and yet I want to validate that what she saw was real for her. I can’t tell her that she didn’t get it; that would be insulting. Really it is more a reflection of how poorly I conveyed the message for some in the audience.
My teacher, Glynn Braddy (my Essentials, Horsenality, philosophy and health mentor) sent me a really centering email after reading some of the nasty comments out there (not about the lesson): “Incidentally, I read some ‘bad press’ about Pat; I believe negative press about Parelli functions to keep the right students close and the others at a distance.”
You might think it’s odd that we can still feel hurt by the negative comments, and mostly we don’t. But I think that “hurt” helps us rise to a whole new level.
Makes me think about how we coach you in your horsemanship… just when you think everything is awful and unbearable, you’re actually on the brink of a breakthrough.
So here’s to having more breakthroughs and being able to look at the difficult stuff with understanding, optimism and without judgment. Hard as it was (mainly because I feel like a failure – not because I believe what she’s saying) I’m very grateful for that email conversation. It’s helping to make me a better teacher.
Strange isn’t it? Pat and I get thousands of thank you’s from all of you, heart-bulging stories of how our program has saved your horse or transformed your life, but we can still feel the pang when just one negative comment comes in. Can’t help but think of that line in the movie “Pretty Woman” when Julia says “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” Might not be the exact quote, but it’s something like that.
I feel like the big challenge in life is to thrive despite the negativity that surrounds us. I’ve heard myself say, “Life is perfect,” or as Glynn would say… “Things are unfolding exactly as they should.” So what do you do with that information? I’ve often looked back on uncomfortable, difficult or hurtful situations and realized that, had it not been for that, I wouldn’t be living my dream today. So my goal is to live every day as if I was looking back at it 10 years from now. It’s not always easy, but when things get hard I absolutely can do it. Just need to do it sooner sometimes. What does Pat say? “Do less sooner rather than more later.” It applies to so much more than horses
Until next time,
Linda
