Hi there,
Apologies for the big gap between blogs, lots going on – travel, writing, big things afoot. OK, enough excuses.
I feel compelled to write about this given recent “events” and scuttle butt on the internet.
Before I write my blog I reacquaint myself with the last thing I wrote to you about and, seeing it was around Fran’s update with her horse Crest, it made me want to tell you how I feel about some of the negative and virulent accusations sometimes made about us.
Our Ohio event on Savvy Club Sunday featured Fran, and her horse Crest, in the lesson with me. I had so many of you come up and thank me for the lesson (not to mention those of you who weighed in on the last blog about it) saying how much it made you think and realize how you’ve been pushing your horse over emotional thresholds. Fran and I felt great about the results, and more importantly… Crest revealed to us how much he’d been holding inside while still trying his guts out for Fran (who had rescued him from a horrible past).
But here’s the disturbing part. I got an email from a Savvy Club member expressing how horrified she was about how I pushed Crest (who didn’t seem that bad), that she’s lost respect for me / us (she criticized Pat’s lesson too) and as a result was leaving the Savvy Club.
It’s really hard getting something like that because I feel so misunderstood, and yet I want to validate that what she saw was real for her. I can’t tell her that she didn’t get it; that would be insulting. Really it is more a reflection of how poorly I conveyed the message for some in the audience.
My teacher, Glynn Braddy (my Essentials, Horsenality, philosophy and health mentor) sent me a really centering email after reading some of the nasty comments out there (not about the lesson): “Incidentally, I read some ‘bad press’ about Pat; I believe negative press about Parelli functions to keep the right students close and the others at a distance.”
You might think it’s odd that we can still feel hurt by the negative comments, and mostly we don’t. But I think that “hurt” helps us rise to a whole new level.
Makes me think about how we coach you in your horsemanship… just when you think everything is awful and unbearable, you’re actually on the brink of a breakthrough.
So here’s to having more breakthroughs and being able to look at the difficult stuff with understanding, optimism and without judgment. Hard as it was (mainly because I feel like a failure – not because I believe what she’s saying) I’m very grateful for that email conversation. It’s helping to make me a better teacher.
Strange isn’t it? Pat and I get thousands of thank you’s from all of you, heart-bulging stories of how our program has saved your horse or transformed your life, but we can still feel the pang when just one negative comment comes in. Can’t help but think of that line in the movie “Pretty Woman” when Julia says “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” Might not be the exact quote, but it’s something like that.
I feel like the big challenge in life is to thrive despite the negativity that surrounds us. I’ve heard myself say, “Life is perfect,” or as Glynn would say… “Things are unfolding exactly as they should.” So what do you do with that information? I’ve often looked back on uncomfortable, difficult or hurtful situations and realized that, had it not been for that, I wouldn’t be living my dream today. So my goal is to live every day as if I was looking back at it 10 years from now. It’s not always easy, but when things get hard I absolutely can do it. Just need to do it sooner sometimes. What does Pat say? “Do less sooner rather than more later.” It applies to so much more than horses
Until next time,
Linda
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Hiya Linda,
Just wanted to post and update here for you and for everyone who’s been following Crest and my journey.
It’s been 7 months now, and I swear you wouldn’t recognize Crest. Yesterday afternoon, We went for a GALLOP up the road…intentionally!! He’s SO fast, it was quite the adrenaline rush, but he was totally in control, relaxed, and confident the entire time. He even came out of it without having to use my reins, and he blew and licked and blew and licked as we walked off. As I was going, I couldn’t help but think that we’ve advanced our riding from hardly L2 to genuinely almost ready to go bridless in 7 months. That boggles my mind.
I was watching some footage from before the lesson in Ohio the other day. People have been telling me for months that Crest looks and feels like a different horse. But sometimes you need to see it to believe it. As I watched, I realized that the tension that he used to carry is gone, both internally and externally. His neck has filled out and he carries himself with relaxation now. There’s a softness in his eye and in his overall demeanor. It’s amazing!
Anyway, I just wanted to share. I’ll be bringing him back down to FL with me next week, while I participate in the 2* instructor course, and I’m looking forward to having even more time to focus on him individually! I’m even planning on filming some of my Level 4 auditions with him while I’m in the warmer climate.
All the best,
Fran and Crest
PS–Please stay tuned for a post on my blog (www.savvyup.blogspot.com) about the breakthroughs that…
Way to go Fran
Linda,
That is the trouble with being a leader in a field where not everyone has the same understanding and knowledge as yourself. Sometimes you just need to say “thanks for being part of the journey till now, now you need to find your own way if your heart and soul are not 100% behind what we are saying and doing right now”. Think how different it would have been if this person had asked questions like “Why did you push the horse on this as it seemed to me it was the wrong thing to do?” Your answers would have opened up new doors and new avanues of understanding on their behalf whilst making them a better student but they chose to close the door, not you. No question is a daft question unless it is not asked – and this person did not ask – she assumed – and as we hear regularly from Pat – don’t make assumptions !!
You are assuming you and the Parelli faculty have failed this person but maybe this person was just not ready to be part of the group going forward in the future.
Smile (in all 4 cheeks if you have to!!) and move on, put the knowledge you have just gained down to experience and learn from it. Criticism is not something that people should take personally but it is something that people need to learn from in gaining other peoples perspectives of a situation or event.
Your learning was that you needed to change the way you expressed the situation to other students who do not have your level of understanding and intenal knowledge – which is great for us mere lesser mortals !!
Dedicated and open hearted horses and students need you and Pat all the…
Thanks Lyn
Something worth studying is the art of the question. My health and philosophy teacher, Glynn Braddy, taught me that my answers can only be as good as my questions.
L
That is the most amazing comment I have read here. I am in awe of each of you for your insights.
Dearest Linda,
It’s tough being the leader; they’re the ones who get shot at the most. As I realized when I was writing my spiritual- and horse-oriented young adult fantasy (which I hope to have a friend put in your hands at the Rendez-vous), I’m not doing it for the people who don’t like it and can’t appreciate it; I wrote it for the people who DO get it and ARE inspired by it. I have long admired your fortitude and compassion, as well as a long, long list of other attributes. On a downer day, email me and I’ll count them out for you!
Warm aloha,
Lisa from Hawaii
(the one who keeps popping up and saying hi, who exchanged planning emails Lo those many years ago)
Linda,
Just another note of support for you, Pat and the Parelli philosophy. The thing I love best about the Parelli program is the top down, ingrained positivity that not only has inspired me to find a joyous harmony with my horses but also led me into deep and long lasting bonds of friendship with my local Parelli sisterherd. Given the diversity of personalities in this world, there will always be people who disagree and criticize. However, it would be a dull world indeed without dissent and discussion. The exiting Savvy Club member did us all a favor by giving you a teachable moment to show grace and restraint in dealing with negativity. You confirmed that your positive and progressive attitude is truly from the heart and authentic.
And, in the end, the opinions that really matter are those of our horses.
I have to applaud this finely focused and on-point comment, Laurie and Linda! Thank you for stating your viewpoint, Laurie. Linda – as I am following the platforms, I appreciate your insight, and the entire process as it is unfolding – within the parameters of my ability to understand right now – and I thank Pat, you, and all of your aspiring, sharing team.
Laura B.
The perfect perspective
L
Linda, thank you for taking the time to share all these thoughts with us! I have been around long enough now to finally learn to “guard my thoughts against negativity, like I guard my house against thieves.” Just don’t let them in! But is is difficult when you feel like you were misunderstood.
Thank you for showing us that you are human too.
Linda,
So sorry to hear of the negative accustations sent your way. I respect your humilty and grace when you say “I feel so misunderstood, and yet I want to validate that what she saw was real for her….” — This speaks to the depth of your character and to your sensitivity as a teacher. Gently remind yourself that the most valuable feedback from that moment in time came from Crest himself. You are an expert at reading the horse: What he told you that day….That is the truth…That is who you are ultimately accountable to. I’m in partnership with a horse whom I suspect is also “holding a lot inside while still trying his guts out for me.” Wish I had seen the session with Crest. I think we both would have benefited tremendously from it.
Linda
I just read your post, love your attitude it is everything:-) I keep a quote on my desk it always help me when pondering about feelings of rejection.
There comes a point in your life when you realize
WHO MATTERS
WHO NEVER DID
WHO WON’T ANYMORE…
AND WHO ALWAYS WILL.
So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didin’t make it to your future.
So relate to this experience. Linda you’re not alone. Great come back, to look for the positives in everything. Negatives do hurt, only because we care so much. Don’t be distracted, sounds like you hit home to get such an aggresive response. Remember aggression begins where knowledge ends so keep doing what you’re doing, cool calm and collected.
Wow, Caitlin! “Aggression begins where knowledge ends”. OMG so true, never heard that before and will never forget it. And I am with you on all your support for Linda’s actions, response, and reactions. The outpouring of support for her is consistent and is like a beautiful tapestry.
Laura
Linda, you hit it right on the nose!! We get the occasional email from individuals who don’t understand what or why we do the things that we do and we do the absolute best that we can with rescues and rehabilitation for horses that have been through horrendous lives and have really dangerous mental blocks at some levels and some that have nothing. There’s always going to be one person out there that you can’t reach or they don’t understand your methods and criticize your efforts to help these individuals. You can’t please everyone but that’s not your goal in life. Shake it off and go on. There are lots of people who appreciate your and pat’s efforts to bring the connection into the forefront of teaching the horse and developing the best partnership that you can. Dena
Linda, I can’t add anything to what anyone else has offered out to you. I said Pat on Twitter: “Your wife is full of Grace”. I’ve been meaning to leave a comment here, I emailed Brett L. what I created, a distillation of “nuggets”, sort of a “Best Of” of the what-was-then 175 comments (at that time). I’ve re-read this post a few more times, and what resounds in me is that indeed the painful things can make us grow, yet we have to stay conscious and be present in only that moment, then move on. (Like Pat said). We just need to place them into a healthy context, and surround ourselves with positive people, and do positive things.
See? I have nothing new to say at all =) But I empathize with you and gained insight reading your post.
So I thank you,
Laura Brooks
I couldn’t agree more Laura. Nicely said, thank you
L
Linda, you never cease to amaze me you are a remarkably gracious woman; thankyou for all the lessons not just the horsey ones but the life lessons too!
The Parelli Program has transormed my life’s journey with horses and my equine partner Bill’s life too! he is extremely thankful that i found Parelli.
I have the utmost respect for you and Pat and am thankful that your gift is with horses and that you have both dedicated your lives to make the world a better place for horses and the people that love them!
God bless.
Thank you Janine. For Pat and me, that’s what it’s all about
L
Well, for one person who misunderstand, I’m sure that they are hundreds who are helped by what you do. Most horses I work with are not mine, but friends who have heard on the grapevine that I have some success using Parelli. I don’t do it for a living, just for the love of horses. So anyway, with someone else horse, one does feel a bit conscious about using phase 4. The case of LBI is particularly difficult and without you to show me the way, I would have been completely lost on how to handle the new horse I started working with today. I tend to be a little tentative when I start working with a new horse. . Yet, today I would not have come out in good shape with this little mare if I had not asserted my leadership in a very firm way and very quickly.
I am a teacher by trade and I really think that your teaching pedagogy is of the highest standard. It is just impossible to explain everything in one video clip. Too bad for people who want to pass a quick judgment on something they don’t understand but sad for their horses, of course.
And phase 4 does not mean it is harsh. A fly can make a horse move.
L
Linda
I see how the Parelli team put their entire soul into this program striving for the very best of the best but not all others are on the same wave length to comprehend what you saw at that moment for that horse. I was at the Ohio Event, The lesson with Fran and Crest really opened my eyes and heart to Always look beyond the obvious for the root of the problem and watch that our ajenda doesn’t override what the horse needs. I encountered a similar situation with a new young horse just after getting back form the event and I was soooo glad to have seen you handle it so I understood what was happening and what to do. Thank you so much for all that you are doing for the horse/owner world.
Way cool.
L
This is so strange. Only tonight I had an email from a good friend who has been very interested in my journey with Parelli. She had been sent a clip of Barney, followed by a clip of Catwalk. She was trying so hard not to be critical, but not knowing the facts, she was confused. I appealed to other parelli members for the links to send her, not because I felt i had to justify myself and the programme, but as an explanation of how the methods could help horses and humans, if you have the full story. I just know that if I hadnt been given that first introductory dvd at the Horse of the Year Show, I would not be riding again for the first time in years. And I would not have the incredible relationship with my horsesthat I only ever dreamed of.
Thank you for commenting on this. As Parelli students, we too face critics in our own barns, at local horse functions and even tack shops! It isn’t an easy road, challenging our selves and our horses, trying to keep focused in a constant state of learning and dealing with the awful, emotional pre-break through moments. But to have nay-sayers whispering behind your back, adds a different element altogether!! But the only two that matter are me and my horse and if it works for us, I don’t have to answer to anyone. And neither do you. Not everyone will get it, for such a wide variety of reasons and that’s not your fault, nor Pat’s, nor mine or anyone. Its what makes us all different and adds the proverbial “spice” to life!! I commend the Savvy club member that sparked this topic – for opening up her mind to try and learn from the Parelli’s. Although she is leaving the club – I am sure everyone wishes her well whereever her horsemanship journey takes her. May her and her horse always be happy and may they always have fun, in a safe, respectful, always-learning environment!!
Hi Linda,
I sincerely hope that you don’t have reservations about putting Fran’s lesson on an upcoming DVD because someone misunderstood what she saw. As you read from my comment to your blog, I learned something just from reading about it. I can hardly wait to see it for myself so I can apply some of the principles to my two LBIs. These are hard horses to read and motivate and I soak up everything I can about them. What a blessing for us that you have one and have learned so thoroughly how to communicate with him so you can share it with those of us who need it.
No successful person’s life is without its challenges. Someone is always going to find fault with what you’re doing. I hope the woman finds something she can have faith in, but my guess is that when what she does with her horses, blows up in her face someday because she can’t read them properly that she’ll come back to you with apologies looking for answers.
I too was in Columbus and saw Fran’s lesson. Boy did that bring back memories. That could have been me and my rescued Arabian gelding. I had the same lessons to learn, but it made me appreciate how many thresholds we had been through all thanks to the Parelli program. Keep up the good work
Linda, you never cease to amaze me. I have briefly spoken with you several times at your ranch in CO, usually at Savvy conferences. you always take the time it takes! You are such an inspiration to so many people and are so well loved! I think that Parelli Natural Horsemanship is the best thing that I have ever gotten involved with in my life! I am a teacher of elementary students and I find myself quoting Parellisms all the time— it has transferred over to every aspect of my life. There is nothing I would rather do than be with my horse, Junebug….you may remember her at the ranch, Bay Roan mustang. I have listened to the negativity about PNH often since moving to Pagosa in 2005 and it doesn’t stop me for a second! You have no idea what an impact your program has made in my life, I can never thank you enough for that! All the best and lots of hugs! You and Pat are incredible! Love, Wendy
I just want to thank you and Pat from the bottom of my heart for showing so many of us a better way to be, both with horses and with fellow humans.
God bless you.
Sincerely
Jolene
aka. Schemer
Linda ,
My husband and I are such fans of your teaching methods and guess what …my husband does not even ride or play with the horses but he watches your DVD’s . He is the supporting husband as you called him when we met you and had time to talk to you and Pat at Stoneleigh. ( Thank you for giving us that time )
It was the night of the stallion who did not appreciate a bridle ( understatement of the year ) ….. and all my friends who know I love PNH sent me articles from all over the place to point out the bad press , what went wrong and wanted me to read the negative comments …because i had witnessed this ” scene ” . I have not read one article yet and I will not …..I don’t need to …it is just because people are mentally not ready to watch this ” scene ” . ……my non playing husband defended Pat and made them see the good things ….even my husband got it ……despite his many questions about it which I could not explain as even I am not mentally ready for it all . It makes me want to learn more and understand more ….
People can be cutting but then again they are just questioning what they can’t understand , do or reach for ….a sort of jealousy .
Take all comments as a guide to understand those who don’t understand ….
I am actually really sorry it got to you but that shows you care and that you are human which makes you so close to all of us …. Some horsey people are so hard nosed and that is what I like about you …you are not . You can still cry about small and big things and boy can I relate to this … ….don’t…
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