As my great mentor, Glynn Braddy, often used to say to us: “Personal growth is rarely comfortable or convenient.” What a wonderful thing to remember when you’re feeling the growing pains as you try to improve yourself through horsemanship!
One time a student asked when he could expect his “problems” to be over so he could start working on his horsemanship. Dr. Stephanie Burns was in the room and responded, “What makes you think that working on the problems is not working on your horsemanship?” What a great response. It led to a wonderful discussion about reframing your feelings and experiences. “For example” she said, “don’t you think Pat and Linda have problems with their horses? The difference is how you think about it.” She turned to me and asked me to comment.
I actually think that all you’re ever doing is solving problems! Problems in communication, trust, rapport, respect, impulsion, flexion, flying changes, trailer loading, piaffe, passage, slide stops, spins, liberty… It’s when we try to have something be perfect or have a certain expectation that horses have trouble with us, and that’s because we’re no longer in the moment. The horse feels us being somewhere else in our mind, our focus, feel and timing goes “off” and then we lose the horse in some way – mentally, emotionally or physically.
So how I think about my daily interactions with horses is with a sense of excitement because I wonder what’s going to present itself today as I try to make some kind of progress. I can’t wait to get in there and solve the problem of advancement, or to fix a lingering issue that I didn’t have the skills to deal with yesterday such as I told you about in my blog about my breakthrough with Allure.
In Pat’s ever-evolving way of training people to become the best they can be, he recently had his interns do some team-building exercises that test how you solve problems together. One of them is called The Spider Web, where we build a ‘web’ out of nylon cord with all kinds of different sized holes in it. The game is to get everyone on the team from one side to the other, and through a different hole in the web – you can’t use the same hole twice. And you also have to do it without touching the web and ringing the little bell attached to it or you start again! It’s a fantastic exercise and as you can see, Vinny was one of the players! Actually, we were away when this happened and I was shown the photo when we got back!! I love the look on Vinny’s face .
Vinny takes part in the team building exercises!
I felt compelled to write this blog after just catching up on the comments from my last blog about Fran’s recent breakthrough with Crest (be sure to read the two blog entries on it if you haven’t yet) and I just LOVE hearing how committed you are to learning and growing for the sake of your horse.
Our horses are incredible teachers and it’s our responsibility to become incredible learners.
Why don’t you share a few words about one of your problem-solving breakthroughs and how it taught you to enjoy the journey. I’d love to read about that.
Until next time, stay natural!
Linda
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After 3 years of studying Parelli, the more I learn about PNH the more I realize how much I didn’t really know…I think you call that “unconscience imcompetence” …how interesting! Trying to become heathier overall I gave up sugar (including pasta, bread, etc) and all of a sudden my horse started acting different and then I started to connect the two events. She was even looking at me different and it was so odd that had to look behind me to see if she was looking at something behind me. Long story short, my hyper-ness in my physical and emotional reactions were impacted by my diet which appears now to have been pushing my horse off the cliff all these years. I feel like I have a new horse and my horse feels like she has a new human. Never giving up on never-ending self improvement! Thanks to Parelli !!
That’s great Norma. I think that horses are influenced by our energy more than anything else. The body language is kind of secondary, but the energy translates through the body language. When you watch master horsemen, they are masters at managing their energy and intention. It’s really cool, not so much what they do as how they do it.
L
Hi Linda. I came across your articles for the first though but I must say that I really enjoyed reading it. Great article. Keep up the great articles on personal growth. I think you might also enjoy reading some similar content on the community: http://www.lifespace.com/Personal_Growth. Thanks!
Thanks to a helpful article
Dear Linda,
Thank you for this blog, and perfect timing to! I myself had an opportunity to experience an ‘uncomfortable’ learning threshold at a recent clinic with the wonderful 2* Terri Martinus. I reached a point in my journey that took me somewhat by surprise and it really tested my dedication and emotional fitness. Luckily for me I had the ’7th Key to Success’ to get me through and I came out the other side with a stronger partnership with my horse. If you want to know the detail’s it is all in my blog http://johibberd.blogspot.com/2010/08/sat-28th-sun-29th-august-2-terri.html , But I wanted to thank you for your deddication to helping us become better students.
Jo Hibberd, UK
Thank you so much Jo. Even though I read every response on my blog, I don’t always get to respond to them all. But i just love reading it all. Even more, I love hearing how our representatives (Parelli Professionals) step in and help.
L
I think that it’s not what happens or doesn’t happen that is important — it’s our attitude about it, and reaction to it, that is important, because that’s often the only thing that we have a chance to control. One of the concepts that has most helped me to achieve an “attitude adjustment” is, Linda, your attitude that problems are opportunities for progress and learning. They are something to be excited about, and sought out. I think that you said it best with your “opening up a can of worms” analogy — the way that lots of people start down the path of avoiding places, situations, things, etc., that might cause a “problem” with their horse is the “worms” concept in action. However, your take has always been, “let’s open up that can, and get every last worm out of there!” As a result, I love when my horse and I run into a new “problem” (well, maybe “love” is too strong a word, but you get the picture) — it really is an “Oh, Boy” moment, because it gives us something new to have a conversation about. Think how boring (for both of you) the conversation could get after awhile, without some new, interesting elements like “problems”! Thanks lots, Linda.
Yes, I agree. Worms are just worms, and we gotta keep saying Oh Boy!
L
Thank you Linda for all you do! Thank you for all your quivers and learning opportunities you’ve shared about Remmer! Today, I got a glimpse at the realization of a dream! Today for the first time ever I jumped up on Scout, LBI, in our big pasture (approx 20 acres with a 60′ wide creek running through it with a steep climb to 3 acres on top of a bluff) bareback and briddleless. Six of our other 8 horses were out in this pasture with him. I rode him from the water cross creek gate up to our training paddock gate, a total distance of about 500 feet at the walk, turning him with my toes using porcupine on his shoulders and using my seat to stop and go. My dream is of course to be confident enough in the bond and trust I share with him to ride him at any gait all over this varied pasture, splashing through the water, jumping fallen trees, etc… Today was my first glimpse of that reality and it wouldn’t be possible without all I’ve learned from you and Pat. Thanks a million!
You’re living the dream! Well done. I know what it takes to have your horse trust you that much.
L
Linda, I first contacted an instructor because I was unable to “sit the trot”. This was because of my age and spinal fusion and I was extremely frustrated. Never thinking that I needed to GET off my horse and start over on the ground. I have a LBI GH Foundation Bread Mare. It always has to be all about something for her. She teaches me something everyday.. My instructor is Karen Woodbury and she is wonderful. The things I have learned have been about myself. I am 55 and am learning to be patient, more loving, slower…and appreciate every second I spend with my horses because they teach me to think just how they feel on that day, and it is just not how I feel but as a team we get it done. I thank you and Pat for devoting your ENTIRE life to helping us humans to be a kinder group. THANKS YOU and God Bless.
My amazing, athletic RBE mare really challenged me to not be direct line. I had to learn to do the opposite and, a lot of the time, retreat. As I’ve earned her respect and confidence this way, our progress has taken off and we are having more fun than ever! We spend more and more time left brained and really enjoying learning together.
Hi Linda…I love these blogs…
My latest problem solving breakthrough happened during a lesson last week.
I told my instructor that I feel so unbalanced and awkward when riding. She was surprised because she said I didn’t look that way…but that if I felt that way, I should think of the most beautiful rider I knew and think about riding like that person.
That is when the words of Pat came to me…..that one of our responsibilities is our natural power of focus. I realized that my FOCUS, when riding has been on what does NOT feel right, instead of focusing on what DOES feel good and right. If my horse responds to my focus….why am I allowing in the negative instead of the positive. I was not setting myself up for success! I am trying now to change my focus to the POSITIVE right where it belongs!
Lori, I’ve been told the very same thing when I felt the very same thing you’ve described. Even though I’ve ridden passenger, bareback pad on a galloping horse that turned a quick right, left then right again. I still have this feeling. I’m going to try my ‘positive focus’ as you put it. Thanks for sharing!
The time I have been spending with my RBI mule (Jake) and my LBI QH (Indy) has just “felt right” lately—-finding myself doing things and trying things without really thinking about it—-and making ever-better connections with them. And I now understand (truly) that how we relate to each horse/mule needs to be in continuous flux…..always changing, and no “formulas” for success. There IS, of course, the PNH program and following the guidelines is so essential early-on, but as savvy increases, you don’t have to interpret those guidelines so literally or rigidly—-you can stay within the framework, but use your own savvy and instincts to get the best results. To me, it’s like someone learning to cook: At first, you only use the most basic ingredients in a simple, step-by-step recipe to get a good, but simple result. But later, when you understand more, the ingredients can be changed, more exotic things added, mixed up in different ways, maybe even inventing your own…..and you end up with some fabulous, yummy gourmet meal!
Nice imagery! And I agree. What becomes ultimately is important is intention, principles, relationship and the importance of being understood. “Some people think their techniques are important.”
L
I struggle with the negativity that the term “problems” brings forward. It feels … almost disrespectful to myself and my horses to think of our journey together as a continuous trail of problem solving. “Challenges” might be a kinder, gentler, simpler term. It would be unfair for me to label what I haven’t yet had the opportunity to learn, as being a “problem”. Part of my learning to be a perfect partner has been to learn to take the pressure off myself (and my horse). Recently, I realized that I had been driving myself crazy by constantly focusing how much I still have to learn as being a probelm (aka: what others are doing that I am not!). It’s not a problem, its challenging journey … my journey. After changing my self talk – it’s like breathing fresh air when you have been in a stuffy room! I see the joy and fun in my horses everyday, even when we are not together. And with that – the creativity flows easier and I have better clarity to see all the little opportunities to advance my horsemanship that present themselves! This week’s example of this: the old me would have thought that taking her dog out for a last bathroom break of the night would have been exactly that. But now … while the dog does his busienss, I am in the paddock, in my pjs, with my ever-playful filly having an exuberant Parelli-ball soccer game at midnight, with only the moon for light!! No problem!!
I just forgot to mention how wonderful it was to watch Remmer during both demos. You could just see on his face how much fun he was having and how much he loves and connects with you!! I cannot wait until the day Amir and I have the same relationship! We are so much looking the next Celebration!
Elizabeth Cabral
Thank you Elizabeth. I just love it when Remmer sees me come out onto the lawn (for the dogs to go!) and strains at the gate, ears forward, pawing. Just makes my day – my life, really.
L
Dear Linda,
I just wanted to tell you how much my mom and I enjoyed the Fresno Celebration! It was so inspirational and we learned so much! This morning when I played with Amir (my Arabian colt), I used the new information I learned, and we had a wonderful time. We even tried a little bit of Liberty for the first time!! We worked on the first 4 games and then tried the Touch It game (Level 2) with a plank of wood. I can’t believe how well he did and how focused he was on me without the halter!
I really enjoyed your game of contact demonstration. It was interesting to hear you explain the steps of gaining contact in the rider’s body. I do ballet and that is exactly what we are taught to do, close the ribs, suck the belly-button to the spine, pull the arm-pits down, etc.
It was so nice to meet you and Mr. Parelli again (we met after the Sunday performance). Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and creating such a fantastic program! We really appreciate all that you do.
Thank you!
Elizabeth Cabral
And this is dancing with horses, is it not?
L
I can’t say that I’ve had any stand-out breakthroughs. My journey has been one of many small light-bulb moments, arrows added to my quiver one by one, and moving slowly from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence.
I’ve started to take dressage lessons and I think the highest praise I could get was when the instructor told me how lucky I was to have such a nice well mannered horse and that it was obvious we had a great relationship. She told me I was spoiled by my horse and that it would be hard for me to ride another. If only she had known us 10 years ago when I was at my wits end with a horse that was scared and running away from me and dumping me to the point where I was hurt and scared to ride him.
Now he is a perfect partner. I can go anywhere and do anything with him and I don’t worry about how things are going to go, because I know we will figure it out together. We have had a lot of fun adventures together from trail riding on the carriage trails in Acadia National Park to working cows to riding in competitive trail and endurance and now dressage. I now loan him out to a couple of other beginning Parelli students so my horse has now become a teacher and a confidence builder for others.
In re-reading my post, I just realized my highest praise does not come from my dressage instructor, but from my horse. When a LBI comes to greet you out of a 13 acre pasture – when he could just relax and continue grazing with his buddies – that is praise indeed!
Thanks to you and Pat for being willing to share your journey with the world! I know I’ve…
This is really a ‘Oh boy, thank you for posting this’ moment for me. This couldn’t have come at a better time. Just recently I had some problems in communication, respect, rapport and trust…not with horses though, but with people. Growing pains in trying to improve my humanship so to speak
It wasn’t comfortable, it wasn’t convenient, but I can definitely say I learned a lot. I learned how to be more true to myself, how to choose for me and not let others choose who I should be. A lesson, though this time not learned from my beloved horse, but I’m sure it will be good for our relationship!
So again, thank you so much for posting this, at the right time & the right moment
So many tips to use not just on horses but on humans too – it’s true.
We have all been there no doubt – good you got some support of this post!
Dear Linda,
I have had Chazbo nearly a year now. He’s my first horse, a 10 year old coloured cob, and gee wiz is he a charactre. I can’t tell you how many times I felt like giving up, feeling like the crapiest horse owner/rider in the universe, crying my eyes out. Hacking out without company just wasn’t happening. He napped, spun, bit & reared leaving me exhausted & shaky. Once I got stuck on a 100 yard stretch right at the bottom of the yard, on my way back and leading him from the ground!!, for 45 minutes, until Jane (who looks after the horses at the yard) heard me scream for help and came to the rescue. I often cried on my drive to him as I just wasn’t sure if I could face it anymore but, how strange this may sound, I loved him and could not give up either. It wasn’t until I hurt my back after an unlucky fall and I took some steps back, played games, or just sat with him reading, that things started to improve. Still could not take him out but then one day, Jane, offered me to use a small paddock to ride him safely with no pressure on either of us. (I couldn’t even get him in there without her help at first) I only walked/trotted and always ended up on a very long reign, bareback. It did make a difference though and since about 4 weeks I CAN FINALLY RIDE HIM OUT ALONE! He still naps occassionally but he doesn’t rear or spin anymore. The big change was the change of my mind set – take all pressure off, I did not have to catch up with my friends, do things their way. I am not a competative person and just want my boy and I to have a good relationship and we take…
Not really problem solving as such but I’d love to let you know that the other day I asked my partner, Jack, to give me a circle at liberty for the first time and he did! I had to do a bit of convincing at first.. he went to escape a few times and I quickly disengaged him and brought him in again and then after about three sends like that, he circled me (at a walk) and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for days… actually I’m still smiling. I think he was too, he loves to perform! We have just passed level 2 on line and I’m still in shock that we are now playing in level 3 online, so I was just upping the anti as it were to see what would happen if… and it was the best feeling ever. We don’t have a round pen so it was in a big paddock and he was right in close :0) I am SO thankful to have Linda and Pat Parelli in my life.
Hello Linda !!
My husband and I attended the Fresno event both Sat. & Sun. I loved both days and all the info and attractions that were presented ! But , I have to tell you Linda that my VERY favorite segment was when you answered questions from the audience !! I can’t express well enough to you how much I appreciate that you take the time to answer questions from us. So many of your answers were to questions that I had ! You have helped me so much over the years because I have a ” Remmer” as well and with out your help and compassion for these challenging LBI , I probably would be way, stuck back in time with him. Now, we have a lovely relationship based on who HE is and his Horsenality and we are connected and in “tune”. When I watch you interact with Remmer I always bring back some new info and insight into my “boy” !
Thank You for taking the time that it takes to help all of us out with our horses !!
Suzanne
To continue, Bay also has issues with jumping over an obstacle. When he jumps it is lovely, but he hasn’t quite grasped the concept.
Last nite as we were practicing over 1/2 barrels I came to realize that he jumped with no problem going to the left, but going right was just not happening. Even just squeezing thru a wide opening was not going confidently.
As I was puzzling as to why that might be as going right on a circle was our preferred way, it dawned on me that when I trailer load him I almost always stand on his left side due to the trailer door. Hum…
So, I made large gaps between all 4 half barrels and voila, he picked a spot & went thru. Did that a few times and then he jumped! Repeated that several times till he came into me with a question, and he was rewarded with scratching & we quit for the nite. Yipeee!
Love that puzzle solving!
Hi Linda, thanks for the opportunity to share.
I recently had 2 breakthroughs with my 6 yo arab, Bay.
The first one was with the yo-yo game. He backs willingly but upon asking for the return he goes RBE and shuts down with the sleepy eye look. I’ve been adding arrows to my quiver for years and can get him out of it, but it’s always been lacking a real understanding & willingness on his part. While I have always waited a long time for him last week brought a change in my perception and of course, a change in him.
Last week as I was waiting for him to respond I heard in my mind your imitation of a horse whose brain is locked up & can’t think. I became fascinated at watching his facial expressions as he worked thru the problem of coming forward. It took a while, but we reached a breakthrough! Yippeee!! While he still gets stuck, it doesn’t last very long and the look of delight on his face at figuring out the problem is wonderful!
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